Self-Honouring: What Self-Love Looks Like in Islam
We have all encountered the concept of self-love, yet many of us feel uneasy about it and for a good reason too! In our tradition, the self is not something to be celebrated unconditionally; it is to be disciplined, purified and directed towards Allah. Some expressions of self-love can also appear self-absorbed rather than healthy, leaving us sceptical of the idea altogether. However, the concept is important for wellbeing. God has placed us into these bodies, and it is through our actions, our beliefs and our presence that the truth of God manifests. So, how we regard ourselves, how we treat ourselves and what we believe about ourselves matters. But for a Muslim, this cannot be separated from Allah. Our worth does not come from ourselves. It comes from the One who created us. For this reason, I will be using the terms self-honouring or self-respect rather than ‘self-love’, because they more closely describe how a Muslim should regard and care for themselves.
Allah says: “And indeed We have honoured the Children of Adam, and carried them on land and sea, and have provided them with lawful good things, and preferred them above many of those whom We have created with a marked preference.”
(Surah al-Isra, 17:70).
To understand why human dignity matters in the context of wellbeing and faith, we have to return to the beginning of our story.
Allah created Adam عليه السلام and commanded the angels to bow down to him. They all obeyed, except Iblis. His refusal came from arrogance. He believed he was better than Adam because Adam had been created from clay. Iblis witnessed the honour Allah had given to the human being, and he could not accept it. From that moment, he set himself against the children of Adam. Against you. He wanted to prove, to himself, to creation and in defiance of Allah, that the human being was unworthy, dishonourable and undeserving of the rank Allah had granted them.
One of the main ways the devil does this is by projecting his opinions on to you. He wants you to see yourself as he sees you—as nothing. He enforces self-loathing, self-doubt and low self-esteem time and time again: ‘You’re nothing’, ‘You’ll never be anything’, ‘You’re a fraud’, ‘You’re a hypocrite’. Therefore, the believer must recognise that there can be a spiritual dimension to how we come to see ourselves. When you repeatedly tell yourself that you are worthless, unattractive, incapable or fundamentally unworthy, you begin to accept a view of yourself that is at odds with the honour Allah has given the human being. The devil wants you to see yourself as he sees you: beneath you, broken, insignificant and without hope.
He does this by distancing you from the source of your honour: Allah. It is Allah who bestowed honour upon you, and He did so because He chose to. He does what He wills. This means that your responsibility is not to invent your own worth but to recognise the worth Allah has already given you and then live in a way that honours it. Allah’s commands and prohibitions are not arbitrary restrictions placed upon you; they guide you towards what protects your dignity, your spiritual wellbeing and the wellbeing of the community around you. Allah forbids what harms us and commands what cultivates discipline, responsibility, purity and awareness of Him.
When you understand this, you begin to see your body differently. You begin to see your body as a trust (amānah) from Allah, not something to be abused, neglected or attacked. You nourish it with the good sustenance He has provided. You care for it. You develop its strength and potential. When you look at yourself in the mirror, you are looking at the creation of Allah. You can say, “MashaAllah. May I use this body in the cause of its Creator.” It is an honour to be in this body, and I must respect it.
The same applies to everything else Allah has given you. If you have a talent, honour it by developing it. If you have intelligence, honour it by using it well. If you have beauty, honour it by being grateful for it rather than becoming consumed by it. If you have a personality that draws people towards you, honour it by using that quality for something meaningful. If Allah has given you wealth, use it responsibly. If He has given you influence, use it for good. Honouring yourself means recognising that these things are gifts from Allah and understanding that you will ultimately be accountable for how you used them.
This is where self-honouring differs from narcissism. You are not worshipping yourself; you are recognising the One who created you and you are showing gratitude to Allah by acknowledging the qualities that He has bestowed upon you, not just by saying ‘alhamdulillah’ but also by using those qualities in His cause. You are not saying, “I am great because I am me.” You are saying, “Alhamdulillah for what Allah has given me, and may I use it well.” Self-honouring is therefore gratitude in action.
This way of thinking should also protect a person from envy. Allah asks, “Or do they envy people for what Allah has given them of His bounty?” (Surah al-Nisa, 4:54). When a person envies what another has been given, they are not simply resenting that person; they are, in effect, taking issue with the way Allah has chosen to distribute His rizq. If Allah has given someone beauty, intelligence, wealth, talent or influence, the believer should recognise that Allah has chosen to display something of His own creativity and generosity through that person. Another person’s blessing does not diminish what Allah has given them. Instead, witnessing what someone has been given can become a reminder of Allah: they can praise Him for what they see and even be grateful to the person for reminding them of His ability and generosity. What could have become envy can therefore become dhikr.
Low self-opinion can also begin to isolate you from other people. You fear judgement, withdraw from your community and stop participating in society. You become lonely, and when you are isolated, you become more vulnerable to whatever voice happens to occupy that space. It may be the whispers of the devil, destructive thoughts or simply whatever is being fed to you through your social media. You stop contributing and doing good, and your world becomes increasingly centred around your own perceived inadequacies.
You can also begin to project your own view of yourself onto Allah. You start to see Him as harsh, impossible to please and constantly disappointed in you. You become unable to recognise the good He has given you because you are so focused on what you believe is wrong with yourself. Eventually, this can lead to hopelessness and then to laxity in your faith. You fall away because you have begun to believe that you are too far gone to return.
Iblis wants you to believe that, like him, you are damned to the Hellfire and that you must therefore be hopeless. But you are not Iblis. Even in your moments of doubt, weakness and sin, you and he are not the same. It was not you who was in the presence of Allah, witnessed the angels and the unseen realities, and then arrogantly rejected Allah’s command. That was him. The devil wants you to believe that your sins, like his, have placed you beyond mercy, but the human being can fall and return. Allah’s door of forgiveness remains open. You can sin and repent, become distant and come back, become weak and become strong. Your capacity to return to Allah is itself a mercy.
This is also why we should question the thoughts we have about ourselves. Why is it that negative thoughts can seem to enter the mind so easily, while positive and constructive thoughts often require conscious effort? We have to stop, examine what we are thinking and ask whether it is actually true. This is one of the reasons reflection and practices such as journalling can be valuable: they force us to become conscious of the thoughts we have been accepting without question.
You must therefore honour yourself by being mindful of the honour Allah has already given you. Before doing something, saying something, eating something or exposing yourself to something, ask yourself: Is this an honouring of myself and of what Allah has given me? Sometimes honouring yourself means caring for your body. Sometimes it means disciplining yourself. The question is not simply, “What do I want?” It is, “What honours what Allah has entrusted me with?”
In this Islamic sense, self-honouring is not a modern fad. It is part of our responsibility towards the blessings Allah has entrusted to us. The Muslim does not honour themselves because they believe they are the source of their own worth. They honour themselves because Allah has honoured them. And the appropriate response to that honour is not vanity, but gratitude, responsibility and service.
Examples of Islamic Self-Honouring Affirmations
O Allah, I thank You for my beauty. May I carry it with humility, care for myself well, and may it bring people to faith.
O Allah, I thank You for my intelligence. May I continue to learn, develop my understanding and use what I know to benefit others.
O Allah, I thank You for my voice and my courage to speak the truth. May I use it to defend what is right and bring people justice.
O Allah, I thank You for my personality. Help me use my warmth, humour and character to make people feel valued and to bring goodness into the lives of those around me.
O Allah, I thank You for my body. Help me nourish it, protect it and keep it strong so that I can use it in Your service.
O Allah, I thank You for my hands. May I use them to create, work, give, help and serve rather than cause harm.
O Allah, I thank You for my eyes. Help me use them to appreciate Your creation and protect them from what You have forbidden me to look at.
O Allah, I thank You for the capacity to repent when I fall. May it make me more open and forgiving of others.
O Allah, help me see myself as You have instructed me to see myself: not with arrogance, not with contempt, but with gratitude for what You have created and entrusted to me.
